What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
