I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize