Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.