wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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