There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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