On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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