perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
