just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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