so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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