Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
