Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
