It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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