why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
