I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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