you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
