I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
