why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
