I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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