I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
