thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
