They should really pass out barf bags in church
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
