My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize