Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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