That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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