just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
