my being single is dangerous.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
