somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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