I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
