Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
