I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
