You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
