Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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