Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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