He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
