yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
