How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
