the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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