Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So vagazzling was a success
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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