yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
