I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
