Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
