I just pynch a tree in the face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
