ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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