I got chris browned last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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