Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
