HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
