I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
