stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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