Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
