Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
