she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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