woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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