We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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