listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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