News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
