Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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