Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
