Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
