How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My hand turned me down
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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