The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
