i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
