I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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