Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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