Im at strip club and am horny
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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