Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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