There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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