I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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