If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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