I can tuck mytits in my pants
where am i from again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
