when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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